Can't ..... Stop..... Crying

Jesus - i'm like a leaky faucet these days! It's one thing to be a sensitive, emotional person. But it's another to not be able to control the tears from flowing when in public.

Exhibit #1:
Today, at the nail salon, as i'm getting my pedicure and reading the January Runner's World, CNN was airing a special on the orphans in Africa who's parents died from AIDS. I tried not to pay attention, but I could hear those children's voices. That did it - the tears started flowing.

Exhibit #2:
I already mentioned this in an earlier post, once I hit mile 20 at the NYC Marathon, seeing the physically challenged athlete walking with his guide, followed by bagpipers, uncontrollable tears streamed down my face. I put my sunglasses on to try to hide it. But those tears kept creeping up during that last 10K.

Exhibit #3:
Yesterday, in my boss's office, when she called me in to say she felt I was "unhappy". I am unhappy there, but I can't fully tell her why because I need this job, I need this paycheck, I need this health insurance. I can't leave until I know I have secured some other form of income, especially since my mother has just been layed off from her job (after being their for 15 years - nice huh). I have to step up and help out. As I was telling her some of the frustrations I had with my job (choosing my words carefully so as to try not to jeopardize my employment there), the tears started flowing. It was embarrassing. I felt so unprofessional.

Exhibit #4:
Reading Jenna's blog about the Philadelphia marathon made me cry - but I guess that wasn't in public. So did watching the Ironman World Championship special on NBC today - again, that was in my home. But still...the tears!

On a side note about the meeting with my boss - one thing she said to me was that the only thing that she knows about me is that I love my sports. She wishes I was as excited about my job as I am about sports. I can't explain that to her. I'm a dancer - even though i'm retired, i'll always be a dancer. I've been physically training my body since I was three years old. It's a way of life. It's like breathing for me. I'm only an average runner/triathlete right now - but training and competing - learning how to use my body in a different way - it feels like home to me. It feels natural, comfortable. It makes me feel like all is right in my world. It is the only thing that makes me truly happy. I'm having a hard time finding the words to describe this - i'm not doing it any justice. I suppose what i'm saying is, it's essential to my being. I'm dancing in the water, through transitions, on the trails and roads.

But back to the crying - I feel like at some point, everyday, I don't know what's going to set it off, but something will. It's like I feel too much. Is this what happens when you turn 31? Too much estrogen flowing through me? When will it stop?!??! I'm not saying I haven't been an emotional person all my life - but now, this is ridiculous.