I have no idea why this popped into my head....I swear if you didn't know me you'd think I was on some serious drugs. I may be loopy right now because of having a stomach virus all week and not being able to injest any food of substance. But anyway, i'm going to share with you a flashback I had of some previous Valentine's Days (random - I know...just go with me on this).
A few days before Valentine's Day about 5 or 6 years ago, I was dancing on the bar at a Biker bar in downtown Manhattan with a few of the girls from my band at my bass player's bachelorette party. None of these facts are relevant....I just like remembering the details. This guy named Jeff, who was a Canadian transplant living in Manhattan for work, decided I was his favorite. I guess we exchanged email addresses because a few days later, I got a message from him. Turns out we only lived two blocks from each other on the Upper West Side. We decided to get together on a Wednesday or Thursday night that week. It wasn't until we were actually out that we realized it was Valentine's Day. I don't remember if we went out to eat. I do remember we went to Evelyn Lounge in our neighborhood for some drinks and we went back to his place for a "nightcap" of an illegal substance.....yeah, very different Nicole than the one those of you who've recently met me now know. I was a crazy (and i'll admit somewhat promiscuous) drummer/dancer chic living in New York. I didn't get home until the next morning (i'll leave it up to your imagination) but I do remember it was one of those mornings that I felt crappy about. This was the beginning of the end of my wild child mid-20s. Jeff and I kept in touch and did get together again a few months later before he moved back to Toronto. I haven't seen or spoken to him since that last time.
The following year, I actually planned a very last minute first date that I had met on the internet. I remember his name was Morgan. He was an attorney. I wasn't very attracted to him. He drank ALOT and I had cut back at that point. We went to eat at North West which was across the street from the Evelyn Lounge so we ended up there afterwards. Deja vu. This night would not end the same as the year before however - he wanted it to. He wanted me to invite him up. Just wasn't worth it for me. And it felt great saying no. Progress was being made.
About a month ago, I was catching up with one of my friends over lunch, and for the first time, I said it out loud. I really enjoy being single right now. And I truly meant it. Ok, i'll admit, there are moments when you just want some attention or would enjoy a night of cuddling. But overall, it's a good place to be in. I have my share of crushes - some of them forbidden which makes it even more fun. But i've embraced the positive aspect of being unattached.
If someone amazing comes by, I won't let him go. But in the meantime, my friends and my sport are my priorities and are all the fulfillment I need.
1 comment:
ok.....you were a drummer??? i never knew that!!
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