6 1/2 minutes

It's been 72 days since the last day I ran - and I ran (with some walking) for 5 hours. Today, I ran for 6 1/2 minutes. All morning I couldn't concentrate at work, knowing that today was the day I was going to "break my fast" in physical therapy and test out my ankle on the treadmill. Since my last PT visit last week, I was feeling like I was close to being back to normal - perhaps at about 90%. I dreamed of being able to run for 15, 20, 30 minutes at a time on the treadmill as I gained my strength and stamina again, felt the rush of my endorphins kicking in, clear my head as I often do when I run, and start to shed some of these pounds i've put on since i've been injured. It's been a rough winter, and now, i'd be on my way to strength, better health, happiness, and the ability to train for another competition.

(Sigh), but things never go quite as planned. I came out of the locker room and headed straight towards the treadmill. My therapist firmly told me that I had to take it easy - this was just going to be a little jog. Another therapist in the gym laughed and said, "It's all relative - saying take it easy to a marathoner means going for a 12 miler to them". I smiled - they both know i've been so anxious and i'm the person that would run through pain instead of shy away from it. If I was to experience shooting pain, I had to stop immediately - I could reinjure myself and we would have to start this whole process all over again.

So I started out with a 3 minute walk - then cranked up the speed and started jogging. Yes! I'm back! This is awesome! I couldn't help but smile. An older gentleman, who is a patient that generally comes in the same time I do to rehab his shoulder, looked at me, smiled, and said "You look great! How are you feeling?" "So far so good" I responded. Couldn't be happier. Of course, that only last for about a minute. The pain started coming back - no, don't! Go away! It's not fair! I ran for another minute and a half, debating in my brain whether or not this was "bad" pain. I knew that it was - I just didn't want to believe. So, eventually, the voice of reason took over and I slowed down to a walk again.

So many emotions and thoughts running through my head during the next four minutes while walking. Am I ever going to be able to run again? How am I going to lose the weight I want to lose and get back to my old form? What would my life be without running? Sure, just a few years ago, it didn't exist in my life - but I can't remember those days. Ok - time to regroup and give it another go. After all, that was the first time I ran in over 2 months - maybe i'm just a little rusty. So I started to crank up the speed again - but this time, made it a slower jog. Hmmm...ok, I feel it - it's not that comfortable - but this time, there is no shooting pain. Maybe I just started out to fast. I lasted 4 minutes this time - it wasn't the best or most comfortable run. I have a much longer road ahead of me than I anticipated.

There is the possibility that I can reinjure myself - it's a tough injury to come back from. It's frustrating, but I have to remain positive and steadfast - roll with the punches and eventually - someday, I'll get out there again, on a trail in the crisp air with rays of sunlight peaking through the branches and trees. On this day, however, I won't take it for granted - when those mental demons start creeping into my mind, i'll finally have something to battle them with - and i'll win - because no matter how badly I might feel during a particular run, i'll know that it's so much better than not being able to run at all.

As cliche as it is - we go through the hard times so that the good times are that much better. I just have to remind myself of this every day during recovery - and if you see me, please remind me too.