I think this is my favorite time of the year - a time for reflection on the past 12 months. A time to celebrate the memories or make peace with them, and to look forward with great optimism at a new beginning.
I was so excited to begin 2012 - I felt ready to move on, despite having no idea what I was moving towards. I lost weight and gained weight. I applied to different schools for one career and applied to different job postings for another career. February 17th, the day I received an acceptance letter to Jefferson, I finally understood where I was meant to be. I'm 7 months into the program, over the halfway mark, and i'm stressed, tired, but exhilarated, because this chapter will close in 2013 and prepare me for the next.
I've spent more time develop deeper relationships with some friends and have made some new ones. After a year on my own, I tested the dating waters again - 3 months with a younger man. It was eye opening - showed me what I still need to work on emotionally but also allowed me to have a good time and feel like a woman again. My ever evolving philosophy on life became more refined, attempting to live more in the moment, to be more grateful for what I do have as opposed to what I don't, to believe there is promise in my future, and to understand that life is whatever I perceive it to be.
Thank you 2012 for allowing me to grow. Welcome 2013 - we're going to have a great time together!
Monday, December 31, 2012
Friday, April 06, 2012
I Haven't had a First Date in Four Years
I've been single for 8 months now. The first few months were rough, experiencing both new and familiar raw emotions. For the first time in my life, I held a magnifying glass over myself to examine the ugly truth. It was time to be real because I was in denial, living a lie. I was unhappy. I was lost.
I'm also a bit of a control freak and a planner. I wanted to plan an attack to regain happiness and have complete control on executing that plan. I'm sure you're reading this thinking, "Dream on sister. It doesn't work like that." Well yeah, you're right. I had to learn the hard way. I had to fight, struggle, let go and have faith that the universe will send me on a trajectory into unknown territory that would hopefully be wonderful, with a few surprises along the way.
It's happening. Many things are out of my control. Instead of freaking out, i'm open to the possibilities, and find this all quite liberating. I might go out on a limb and say i'm the happiest i've been, maybe ever in my life.
This brings me to the title of this post - dating. Perhaps its because my last relationship was rather unfulfilling, but i'm really cherishing my freedom and independence being single compared to feeling insignificant and trapped as a "significant other". Now, I know not all relationships are like this. I look back to my relationship with my college boyfriend - 2.5 years of a solid, stable, loving relationship where neither of us had to compromise who we were or what we wanted to be in the relationship.
I'm 35. Beginning in my late 20's, I started feeling that biological clock ticking. I believed "society" (or maybe it was my mother) was telling me it's time to land a man and make babies. I lost myself trying to make that happen. That biological clock is broken now - I don't hear it ticking anymore. Would I enjoy having a husband and children? Yes, i'm sure I would. Do I need to have a husband and children? I can't say that I do.
I welcome a man in my life - whether it be for good company and laughs or love. Yet, I don't need a man in my life. I know people say that all the time. I've said it in the past. The difference is, this time I actually feel it. So, I haven't had a first date in four years. When I think back to the last first date I had with my ex and my frame of mind at the time, I should have known we would have been doomed. I don't know when i'm going to have a first date again. I do know my mind is now clear, so no matter what happens, it'll be a good time.
I'm also a bit of a control freak and a planner. I wanted to plan an attack to regain happiness and have complete control on executing that plan. I'm sure you're reading this thinking, "Dream on sister. It doesn't work like that." Well yeah, you're right. I had to learn the hard way. I had to fight, struggle, let go and have faith that the universe will send me on a trajectory into unknown territory that would hopefully be wonderful, with a few surprises along the way.
It's happening. Many things are out of my control. Instead of freaking out, i'm open to the possibilities, and find this all quite liberating. I might go out on a limb and say i'm the happiest i've been, maybe ever in my life.
This brings me to the title of this post - dating. Perhaps its because my last relationship was rather unfulfilling, but i'm really cherishing my freedom and independence being single compared to feeling insignificant and trapped as a "significant other". Now, I know not all relationships are like this. I look back to my relationship with my college boyfriend - 2.5 years of a solid, stable, loving relationship where neither of us had to compromise who we were or what we wanted to be in the relationship.
I'm 35. Beginning in my late 20's, I started feeling that biological clock ticking. I believed "society" (or maybe it was my mother) was telling me it's time to land a man and make babies. I lost myself trying to make that happen. That biological clock is broken now - I don't hear it ticking anymore. Would I enjoy having a husband and children? Yes, i'm sure I would. Do I need to have a husband and children? I can't say that I do.
I welcome a man in my life - whether it be for good company and laughs or love. Yet, I don't need a man in my life. I know people say that all the time. I've said it in the past. The difference is, this time I actually feel it. So, I haven't had a first date in four years. When I think back to the last first date I had with my ex and my frame of mind at the time, I should have known we would have been doomed. I don't know when i'm going to have a first date again. I do know my mind is now clear, so no matter what happens, it'll be a good time.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Celebrating a Milestone
On Friday, March 9, I woke up and drove to the Weight Watchers center to weigh-in. Then, it became official. I lost my first 20 pounds in 2012! This number is significant for a few reasons. I've never lost 20 pounds before in my life. Granted, I never needed to lose any weight before I turned 30, and I didn't have that much to lose the first few years of my 30s. Still, I have needed to lose at least 20 pounds for nearly the past three years now, so I feel this is a huge accomplishment.
What comes with losing 20 pounds is having your "fat" jeans become too big for you. I pulled out an older, smaller pair of jeans, and while they are a little tight, they look pretty good! To celebrate I went out to buy something nicer for an Accepted Student Reception I was attending this weekend, and found i've dropped nearly two pant sizes. I feel different - stronger, lighter. More importantly, I feel like i'm never going to go back to the weight I was - moving forward only.
My next goal is to lose a total of 30 pounds by the Broad Street Run in the beginning of May. I'm confident i'm going to be able to do this - and I can't wait to enjoy the results!
What comes with losing 20 pounds is having your "fat" jeans become too big for you. I pulled out an older, smaller pair of jeans, and while they are a little tight, they look pretty good! To celebrate I went out to buy something nicer for an Accepted Student Reception I was attending this weekend, and found i've dropped nearly two pant sizes. I feel different - stronger, lighter. More importantly, I feel like i'm never going to go back to the weight I was - moving forward only.
My next goal is to lose a total of 30 pounds by the Broad Street Run in the beginning of May. I'm confident i'm going to be able to do this - and I can't wait to enjoy the results!
Friday, March 02, 2012
Change as quickly as the direction of the wind
I got a good chuckle as I just logged in and read my last post. Just a month ago, I stated I had decided to take some time off from School come May. Now, this couldn't be further from the truth. In May, I will begin an accelerated BSN/MSN program at a reputable University in Philadelphia - the first 12 months will be the most intense with approximately 16 hours a week of didactic courses, 24 clinical hours per week, in addition to all the time spent on homework, maintaining a certain GPA in order to remain in the program.
I had sent in applications to some schools for similar second degree nursing programs in the fall, not really sure if this is the direction I wanted to go in, but I wanted it to remain an option. In the months since then, I went back and forth a million times as to what the right path would be for me - medical school, nursing school, PT or PA school, law school, film school, moving to LA, moving back to NY. I was driving myself crazy trying to evaluate what every decision would mean financially, socially, spiritually, and mentally. What would make me happiest? How could I know?
I had submitted my application back in October to this University, and sent my transcripts from the fall semester in early January. In February, I received a request for an interview. The following week, I went to this interview and was accepted to the program 24 hours later (February 17th to be exact). All the months agonizing over what i'm going to do with my life came to an end. When I received that acceptance notification, I just knew this is what I was going to do. It felt right. I immediately felt at peace.
I began to realize my ego and my concern about how others would perceive me was driving my unhappiness and affecting my decision process. Its something a confident person wouldn't be concerned with, yet I have become a more insecure person over the past few years, compromising too much of myself to try to make a relationship work. I realized how pursuing a career in nursing is the perfect fit in regards to everything i'm looking for in life. I want to use my knowledge of science. I want to work with people and feel like what I do somehow contributes to the greater good. I want to be able to support myself financially and have the ability to enjoy life by doing things I greatly enjoy, like sporting events and travel. I want to have time to myself to enjoy all these things, which means I don't want to have to work 80 hours a week. I want the ability to explore different options within my career path, because I know i'm someone who likes to change things up and look for a new way to expand on my knowledge and my practice. A career in nursing (and more specifically as a Nurse Practitioner) will afford me all these things.
Most importantly, if everything goes according to plan, in just over a year, I can begin looking for work and finish the graduate portion of my program part-time, allowing me to become more financially independent sooner, which means being able to move back into my condo in the city sooner. This is huge. It feels like finally, everything is falling into place.
I had sent in applications to some schools for similar second degree nursing programs in the fall, not really sure if this is the direction I wanted to go in, but I wanted it to remain an option. In the months since then, I went back and forth a million times as to what the right path would be for me - medical school, nursing school, PT or PA school, law school, film school, moving to LA, moving back to NY. I was driving myself crazy trying to evaluate what every decision would mean financially, socially, spiritually, and mentally. What would make me happiest? How could I know?
I had submitted my application back in October to this University, and sent my transcripts from the fall semester in early January. In February, I received a request for an interview. The following week, I went to this interview and was accepted to the program 24 hours later (February 17th to be exact). All the months agonizing over what i'm going to do with my life came to an end. When I received that acceptance notification, I just knew this is what I was going to do. It felt right. I immediately felt at peace.
I began to realize my ego and my concern about how others would perceive me was driving my unhappiness and affecting my decision process. Its something a confident person wouldn't be concerned with, yet I have become a more insecure person over the past few years, compromising too much of myself to try to make a relationship work. I realized how pursuing a career in nursing is the perfect fit in regards to everything i'm looking for in life. I want to use my knowledge of science. I want to work with people and feel like what I do somehow contributes to the greater good. I want to be able to support myself financially and have the ability to enjoy life by doing things I greatly enjoy, like sporting events and travel. I want to have time to myself to enjoy all these things, which means I don't want to have to work 80 hours a week. I want the ability to explore different options within my career path, because I know i'm someone who likes to change things up and look for a new way to expand on my knowledge and my practice. A career in nursing (and more specifically as a Nurse Practitioner) will afford me all these things.
Most importantly, if everything goes according to plan, in just over a year, I can begin looking for work and finish the graduate portion of my program part-time, allowing me to become more financially independent sooner, which means being able to move back into my condo in the city sooner. This is huge. It feels like finally, everything is falling into place.
Saturday, February 04, 2012
January ends with a bang
After an amazing New Year's weekend with friends, both old and new, in NYC, I returned home on the 1st in time to watch the string bands in the mummer's parade on the television while eating a cheesesteak. Perfect way to begin the New Year, I thought to myself.
I woke up January 2nd, which happened to be a Monday, and something was different. Somehow, I found the motivation to take control of my diet and exercise. I had the determination to get it done - the goal being back in a bikini come summer. I somehow felt free of the demons inside that were weighing my down. I have no idea where my life is headed. I still have too many interests and am indecisive about my next move. And, ok, i'll admit throughout the first 5 weeks of this year, I have had some stressful moments thinking about what the hell i'm going to do. However, i'm beginning to recognize that i'm in a wonderful place in my life, where I can go anywhere and do anything. There is nothing tying me down anywhere. It's rather exciting to think about that.
I'm happy to report, I lost 11.2 pounds the first 5 weeks of 2012. I got into more of an exercise routine and actually began looking forward to going to the gym everyday. I've followed weight watchers religiously - i've stayed within my allotted points and have found that after 5 weeks, i'm not as hungry and I don't crave all the bad stuff all the time like I used to. I'm excited, and I really think i'm going to get to that goal this time. Bikini Body!
The new school semester has begun, and i'm just worn out. I need a break from school. I'm lacking motivation in this area right now. Anatomy & Physiology II and Microbiology are the courses i'm taking for credit. I'm also a CLA instructor for a General Biology class, which takes up an additional 10 hours of my week. I find what i'm learning in my classes interesting, i'm just lacking the discipline to hit the books once I get home. Hoping I turn this around soon - just need to make it to May. Then, I have decided I am taking a break from school for a bit. I need a little time away from papers and exams hanging over my head all the time.
Like the title of this post, January ended with a bang - to my car. I was driving home from school on Monday, January 30th at about 4:45 pm. I was about a mile from my house, waiting at a light, when bam, my rear windown shattered and I was jolted in my seat. A minivan had hit a GMC pickup truck and drove that truck into me. Apparently the minivan driver was intoxicated and was taken away by police. Myself and the woman in the truck were taken away by ambulance. In the end, I was fine - a classic case of whip lash and lumbar strain, but my car wasn't so fine. I was in shock for some time and very sore for the first few days. It's been five days since the accident now, and I feel like i'm getting back to normal.
Of course, you can imagine, I was upset that I couldn't work out this week, with all the progress I was making. I weigh-in at WW on Fridays. Somehow, despite my lack of activity, I still lost 1.6 pounds in that week. That was huge. It showed me that i'm beginning to master how to eat properly to lose the weight. That's not to say I can't wait to get back to the gym next week (hopefully). All being said, i'm feeling pretty ok about life right now.
I woke up January 2nd, which happened to be a Monday, and something was different. Somehow, I found the motivation to take control of my diet and exercise. I had the determination to get it done - the goal being back in a bikini come summer. I somehow felt free of the demons inside that were weighing my down. I have no idea where my life is headed. I still have too many interests and am indecisive about my next move. And, ok, i'll admit throughout the first 5 weeks of this year, I have had some stressful moments thinking about what the hell i'm going to do. However, i'm beginning to recognize that i'm in a wonderful place in my life, where I can go anywhere and do anything. There is nothing tying me down anywhere. It's rather exciting to think about that.
I'm happy to report, I lost 11.2 pounds the first 5 weeks of 2012. I got into more of an exercise routine and actually began looking forward to going to the gym everyday. I've followed weight watchers religiously - i've stayed within my allotted points and have found that after 5 weeks, i'm not as hungry and I don't crave all the bad stuff all the time like I used to. I'm excited, and I really think i'm going to get to that goal this time. Bikini Body!
The new school semester has begun, and i'm just worn out. I need a break from school. I'm lacking motivation in this area right now. Anatomy & Physiology II and Microbiology are the courses i'm taking for credit. I'm also a CLA instructor for a General Biology class, which takes up an additional 10 hours of my week. I find what i'm learning in my classes interesting, i'm just lacking the discipline to hit the books once I get home. Hoping I turn this around soon - just need to make it to May. Then, I have decided I am taking a break from school for a bit. I need a little time away from papers and exams hanging over my head all the time.
Like the title of this post, January ended with a bang - to my car. I was driving home from school on Monday, January 30th at about 4:45 pm. I was about a mile from my house, waiting at a light, when bam, my rear windown shattered and I was jolted in my seat. A minivan had hit a GMC pickup truck and drove that truck into me. Apparently the minivan driver was intoxicated and was taken away by police. Myself and the woman in the truck were taken away by ambulance. In the end, I was fine - a classic case of whip lash and lumbar strain, but my car wasn't so fine. I was in shock for some time and very sore for the first few days. It's been five days since the accident now, and I feel like i'm getting back to normal.
Of course, you can imagine, I was upset that I couldn't work out this week, with all the progress I was making. I weigh-in at WW on Fridays. Somehow, despite my lack of activity, I still lost 1.6 pounds in that week. That was huge. It showed me that i'm beginning to master how to eat properly to lose the weight. That's not to say I can't wait to get back to the gym next week (hopefully). All being said, i'm feeling pretty ok about life right now.
Sunday, January 08, 2012
2011 - Thank you, and good riddance
I have not blogged in over a year. I have been writing in a personal journal that I keep bedside. That journal has a more unhibited nature to it - I know i'm the only one who will ever read it. Yet, I enjoy this forum of recording thoughts and memories. So I will touch on some of the highlights of 2011.
January 2011 - our house was still under construction when we began the new year, yet, there was a glimmer of hope that I could move into the new kitchen by the end of the month, which I did. The Master bathroom was completed shortly thereafter. That kitchen was my dream kitchen. In the colder months, I would take my books and laptop computer to kitchen table, and spent most of my time there. The natural sunlight flooded in from the front and new side windows. Everything was aesthetically pleasing to my eye.
I loved cooking on the powerful 5 burner range and had ample storage and counterspace to work with. We had also mounted a television on the wall in the eating area so I was able to watch the Phillies while making dinner. Never in a million years would I have believed I could have a kitchen like this.
It was the perfect kitchen for entertaining. It created a nice easy flow into the rest of the house from the side entrance, which was really the main entrance for the house. While the overall cost of the project escalated to nearly twice what we originally wanted to pay for it, in the end, we were happy with the result, and felt confident that it added a decent amount of value to the property.
Renovations were also taken outside beginning in March, fixing a plumbing issue and giving a cosmetic lift to our inground pool. We used a guy who worked for himself and had done a small job for us before. He came with two guys, drained the pool, dug up the yard to get to the pipes, took about 80% of the money, and never came back. Yup, we were scammed. It was an awful and frustrating feeling. We went with a more reputable (and more expensive) company, and the pool renovation was completed in time for the summer.
So, with a newly renovated house that was built for entertaining, we did just that. We had my family over for Easter Dinner in late April. Pat's sister and her family came to visit us for the first time over Memorial Day weekend. His parents came to visit again during one of his race weekends in June, and we held the annual 4th of July gathering with his college buddies (and families) again, with some of my local friends joining us for a BBQ to celebrate.
Meanwhile, I moved forward with school. 4 science courses in the spring semester (Physics, Biology, Chemistry and Meteorology) and over the course of 2 summer semesters, I took 3 Education courses and Astronomy. All A's (with the exception of a B in Chemistry - I really did not like that course). So overall, with the house renovations being complete and doing well in school, everything was ok.
Yet, everything was not ok. I was fat (the heaviest I had ever been) and unhappy. I started working with a personal trainer, but that didn't seem to help. I felt stressed out all the time. Despite having a wonderful house to live in and the ability to not work and go to school full-time to pursue another career, thanks to my boyfriend, I couldn't find happiness. And our relationship suffered because of it - or, as i'm discovering, the relationship may have been the cause of some of the unhappiness.
We no longer had an intimate connection like we had in the beginning. I felt like we were friends who were roommates. There was no passion in our relationship. We didn't communicate well with each other. I had become the exact opposite of what I wanted to be. I felt like the fat, serving housewife. I did the grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, dog care, etc. I wasn't making any money, so any expenditure had to be "approved" by my boyfriend. I don't blame him, i'd probably feel the same way. Yet, I also felt like I was trapped in his world. For example, vacations were based on what he wanted to do. He likes to ski - I hate it. Too bad for me - he took several ski trips without me. I felt I lost my independence and I also felt like he was being selfish.
So long story short, we ended our 3+ year relationship in August. He initiated it. At first, I was devastated. Actually, I was more scared than anything because my life had changed so drastically, to the point of being reliant on a man. I had lost myself. In essence, I felt like I had hit rock bottom. This is exactly what I needed.
The last 5 months of 2011 was spent rediscovering myself. With the help of my mother, my friends, and a therapist, I was able to take a hard look at myself. About what the root of all my unhappiness, that i've really been feeling for many many years, was. I started to shift my perspective and realize how much of a gift this new opportunity is for me. I feel like I can go anywhere and do anything. I feel free. It's difficult to describe all the revelations my soul searching has lead me to - and this search is still ongoing. All I will say for now is that i'm at peace, and the happiest i've been in years. I'm truly excited and optimistic at what the future holds.
January 2011 - our house was still under construction when we began the new year, yet, there was a glimmer of hope that I could move into the new kitchen by the end of the month, which I did. The Master bathroom was completed shortly thereafter. That kitchen was my dream kitchen. In the colder months, I would take my books and laptop computer to kitchen table, and spent most of my time there. The natural sunlight flooded in from the front and new side windows. Everything was aesthetically pleasing to my eye.
I loved cooking on the powerful 5 burner range and had ample storage and counterspace to work with. We had also mounted a television on the wall in the eating area so I was able to watch the Phillies while making dinner. Never in a million years would I have believed I could have a kitchen like this.
It was the perfect kitchen for entertaining. It created a nice easy flow into the rest of the house from the side entrance, which was really the main entrance for the house. While the overall cost of the project escalated to nearly twice what we originally wanted to pay for it, in the end, we were happy with the result, and felt confident that it added a decent amount of value to the property.
Renovations were also taken outside beginning in March, fixing a plumbing issue and giving a cosmetic lift to our inground pool. We used a guy who worked for himself and had done a small job for us before. He came with two guys, drained the pool, dug up the yard to get to the pipes, took about 80% of the money, and never came back. Yup, we were scammed. It was an awful and frustrating feeling. We went with a more reputable (and more expensive) company, and the pool renovation was completed in time for the summer.
So, with a newly renovated house that was built for entertaining, we did just that. We had my family over for Easter Dinner in late April. Pat's sister and her family came to visit us for the first time over Memorial Day weekend. His parents came to visit again during one of his race weekends in June, and we held the annual 4th of July gathering with his college buddies (and families) again, with some of my local friends joining us for a BBQ to celebrate.
Meanwhile, I moved forward with school. 4 science courses in the spring semester (Physics, Biology, Chemistry and Meteorology) and over the course of 2 summer semesters, I took 3 Education courses and Astronomy. All A's (with the exception of a B in Chemistry - I really did not like that course). So overall, with the house renovations being complete and doing well in school, everything was ok.
Yet, everything was not ok. I was fat (the heaviest I had ever been) and unhappy. I started working with a personal trainer, but that didn't seem to help. I felt stressed out all the time. Despite having a wonderful house to live in and the ability to not work and go to school full-time to pursue another career, thanks to my boyfriend, I couldn't find happiness. And our relationship suffered because of it - or, as i'm discovering, the relationship may have been the cause of some of the unhappiness.
We no longer had an intimate connection like we had in the beginning. I felt like we were friends who were roommates. There was no passion in our relationship. We didn't communicate well with each other. I had become the exact opposite of what I wanted to be. I felt like the fat, serving housewife. I did the grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, dog care, etc. I wasn't making any money, so any expenditure had to be "approved" by my boyfriend. I don't blame him, i'd probably feel the same way. Yet, I also felt like I was trapped in his world. For example, vacations were based on what he wanted to do. He likes to ski - I hate it. Too bad for me - he took several ski trips without me. I felt I lost my independence and I also felt like he was being selfish.
So long story short, we ended our 3+ year relationship in August. He initiated it. At first, I was devastated. Actually, I was more scared than anything because my life had changed so drastically, to the point of being reliant on a man. I had lost myself. In essence, I felt like I had hit rock bottom. This is exactly what I needed.
The last 5 months of 2011 was spent rediscovering myself. With the help of my mother, my friends, and a therapist, I was able to take a hard look at myself. About what the root of all my unhappiness, that i've really been feeling for many many years, was. I started to shift my perspective and realize how much of a gift this new opportunity is for me. I feel like I can go anywhere and do anything. I feel free. It's difficult to describe all the revelations my soul searching has lead me to - and this search is still ongoing. All I will say for now is that i'm at peace, and the happiest i've been in years. I'm truly excited and optimistic at what the future holds.
Monday, January 03, 2011
Cliche New Years Resolution
I am one of the thousands of people out there who resolved to lose weight this year. I could make a million excuses for why I gained weight, but none of them matter. The facts are the facts: I'm the heaviest i've ever been in my life and I have greatly regressed in my ability to perform any athletic endeavors at the level I once was able to.
A brief history of being an "athlete" and my body. Growing up, I was an active child, mainly as a dancer, which I attended college to study. I lived in New York for 12 years, from the ages of 18 - 30. I didn't own a car for those twelve years, so I relied on public transportation or my own two feet to get me around. It's a face-paced lifestyle and I was keeping up. I was still dancing fairly regularly until about the age of 25. Shortly thereafter, I joined a gym, started working a trainer and found I enjoyed running. So up until I turned 30 year old, I stood at 5'8" and never weighed over 135 pounds (mostly I remained in the 120s). When I turned 30, I graduated with my Masters and decided to move back to the Philadelphia area. I got a car, I started training for marathons and triathlons, and began nursing multiple injuries and stressful career changes. I was never a healthy eater, but I ate smaller portions of whatever it was when I was in NY. I just wasn't as hungry. The stress that I felt when I moved to Philadelphia, with injuries, career stress and unhappiness and dealing with failed relationships, I started to turn to food for comfort.
So here I am today. I've found love and am happy with the career path i'm taking. At the moment, i'm mainly injury free. So the last piece of the puzzle is to win my life back by taking control of my lifestyle. To live with less stress, to enjoy cooking and eating healthy meals, and to participate in the many physical activities I enjoy and not feel like i'm going to pass out or vomit.
I realize, this sounds incredibly cliche. I can accept that. I just need to act on it, to reach my goal, to find happiness in myself.
The Goal: Lose 40 pounds by my 35th birthday (in mid-July)
Post-goal desired outcomes: to participate in sports again and record personal bests. to love life and live it to the fullest.
How to Achieve this goal:
- Nutrition: This area will be my greatest challenge. I only recently started cooking the past few years I've been with Patrick, so i'm still learning to be comfortable in a kitchen. The good news is, as I write this, our contractors are putting the finishing touches on a gorgeous, newly remodeled kitchen in our house. I'm going to want to spend alot of time in there. The struggle is learning what the best nutrition plan is for me to lose weight and to remain healthy once I reach my goal weight. I'm reading several books - from the P90X nutrition plan to Jillian Michael's Master your Metabolism to my monthly subscription of Cooking Light to see what I can learn and create for myself.
-Physical Activity: I've had a coach (for marathons/triathlons/swimming) for 4 years now. He's been a constant source of encouragement for me through my ups and downs. I've also joined a brand new Y facility that opened up not far from my house and have begun working with a personal trainer there for strength training and even more encouragement. He will also be weighing me weekly - so the pressure is on for me to successfully shed the fat. I'm hoping this will help me stay on track with my nutrition in between my sessions with him.
-Less Stress: I'm a full-time student again, and I do stress out about getting A's. In order to alleviate this stress, i'm going to organize my time and my physical space, so that I get the right amount of studying in and feel confident about my readiness for exams. I'm also going to get ample sleep each night so I can think clearly.
-Celebrate Mini-goals: When I successfully lose my first 10 pounds, i'll reward myself with getting a new top to add to my wardrobe.
-Take on Mini-challenges: My first mini-challenge will be to finish a local 5-mile run I registered for towards the end of February at a somewhat challenging pace (at that time).
I have nothing to lose (except the weight) and everything to gain! (except the weight).
A brief history of being an "athlete" and my body. Growing up, I was an active child, mainly as a dancer, which I attended college to study. I lived in New York for 12 years, from the ages of 18 - 30. I didn't own a car for those twelve years, so I relied on public transportation or my own two feet to get me around. It's a face-paced lifestyle and I was keeping up. I was still dancing fairly regularly until about the age of 25. Shortly thereafter, I joined a gym, started working a trainer and found I enjoyed running. So up until I turned 30 year old, I stood at 5'8" and never weighed over 135 pounds (mostly I remained in the 120s). When I turned 30, I graduated with my Masters and decided to move back to the Philadelphia area. I got a car, I started training for marathons and triathlons, and began nursing multiple injuries and stressful career changes. I was never a healthy eater, but I ate smaller portions of whatever it was when I was in NY. I just wasn't as hungry. The stress that I felt when I moved to Philadelphia, with injuries, career stress and unhappiness and dealing with failed relationships, I started to turn to food for comfort.
So here I am today. I've found love and am happy with the career path i'm taking. At the moment, i'm mainly injury free. So the last piece of the puzzle is to win my life back by taking control of my lifestyle. To live with less stress, to enjoy cooking and eating healthy meals, and to participate in the many physical activities I enjoy and not feel like i'm going to pass out or vomit.
I realize, this sounds incredibly cliche. I can accept that. I just need to act on it, to reach my goal, to find happiness in myself.
The Goal: Lose 40 pounds by my 35th birthday (in mid-July)
Post-goal desired outcomes: to participate in sports again and record personal bests. to love life and live it to the fullest.
How to Achieve this goal:
- Nutrition: This area will be my greatest challenge. I only recently started cooking the past few years I've been with Patrick, so i'm still learning to be comfortable in a kitchen. The good news is, as I write this, our contractors are putting the finishing touches on a gorgeous, newly remodeled kitchen in our house. I'm going to want to spend alot of time in there. The struggle is learning what the best nutrition plan is for me to lose weight and to remain healthy once I reach my goal weight. I'm reading several books - from the P90X nutrition plan to Jillian Michael's Master your Metabolism to my monthly subscription of Cooking Light to see what I can learn and create for myself.
-Physical Activity: I've had a coach (for marathons/triathlons/swimming) for 4 years now. He's been a constant source of encouragement for me through my ups and downs. I've also joined a brand new Y facility that opened up not far from my house and have begun working with a personal trainer there for strength training and even more encouragement. He will also be weighing me weekly - so the pressure is on for me to successfully shed the fat. I'm hoping this will help me stay on track with my nutrition in between my sessions with him.
-Less Stress: I'm a full-time student again, and I do stress out about getting A's. In order to alleviate this stress, i'm going to organize my time and my physical space, so that I get the right amount of studying in and feel confident about my readiness for exams. I'm also going to get ample sleep each night so I can think clearly.
-Celebrate Mini-goals: When I successfully lose my first 10 pounds, i'll reward myself with getting a new top to add to my wardrobe.
-Take on Mini-challenges: My first mini-challenge will be to finish a local 5-mile run I registered for towards the end of February at a somewhat challenging pace (at that time).
I have nothing to lose (except the weight) and everything to gain! (except the weight).
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