January 2011 - our house was still under construction when we began the new year, yet, there was a glimmer of hope that I could move into the new kitchen by the end of the month, which I did. The Master bathroom was completed shortly thereafter. That kitchen was my dream kitchen. In the colder months, I would take my books and laptop computer to kitchen table, and spent most of my time there. The natural sunlight flooded in from the front and new side windows. Everything was aesthetically pleasing to my eye.
I loved cooking on the powerful 5 burner range and had ample storage and counterspace to work with. We had also mounted a television on the wall in the eating area so I was able to watch the Phillies while making dinner. Never in a million years would I have believed I could have a kitchen like this.
It was the perfect kitchen for entertaining. It created a nice easy flow into the rest of the house from the side entrance, which was really the main entrance for the house. While the overall cost of the project escalated to nearly twice what we originally wanted to pay for it, in the end, we were happy with the result, and felt confident that it added a decent amount of value to the property.
Renovations were also taken outside beginning in March, fixing a plumbing issue and giving a cosmetic lift to our inground pool. We used a guy who worked for himself and had done a small job for us before. He came with two guys, drained the pool, dug up the yard to get to the pipes, took about 80% of the money, and never came back. Yup, we were scammed. It was an awful and frustrating feeling. We went with a more reputable (and more expensive) company, and the pool renovation was completed in time for the summer.
So, with a newly renovated house that was built for entertaining, we did just that. We had my family over for Easter Dinner in late April. Pat's sister and her family came to visit us for the first time over Memorial Day weekend. His parents came to visit again during one of his race weekends in June, and we held the annual 4th of July gathering with his college buddies (and families) again, with some of my local friends joining us for a BBQ to celebrate.
Meanwhile, I moved forward with school. 4 science courses in the spring semester (Physics, Biology, Chemistry and Meteorology) and over the course of 2 summer semesters, I took 3 Education courses and Astronomy. All A's (with the exception of a B in Chemistry - I really did not like that course). So overall, with the house renovations being complete and doing well in school, everything was ok.
Yet, everything was not ok. I was fat (the heaviest I had ever been) and unhappy. I started working with a personal trainer, but that didn't seem to help. I felt stressed out all the time. Despite having a wonderful house to live in and the ability to not work and go to school full-time to pursue another career, thanks to my boyfriend, I couldn't find happiness. And our relationship suffered because of it - or, as i'm discovering, the relationship may have been the cause of some of the unhappiness.
We no longer had an intimate connection like we had in the beginning. I felt like we were friends who were roommates. There was no passion in our relationship. We didn't communicate well with each other. I had become the exact opposite of what I wanted to be. I felt like the fat, serving housewife. I did the grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, dog care, etc. I wasn't making any money, so any expenditure had to be "approved" by my boyfriend. I don't blame him, i'd probably feel the same way. Yet, I also felt like I was trapped in his world. For example, vacations were based on what he wanted to do. He likes to ski - I hate it. Too bad for me - he took several ski trips without me. I felt I lost my independence and I also felt like he was being selfish.
So long story short, we ended our 3+ year relationship in August. He initiated it. At first, I was devastated. Actually, I was more scared than anything because my life had changed so drastically, to the point of being reliant on a man. I had lost myself. In essence, I felt like I had hit rock bottom. This is exactly what I needed.
The last 5 months of 2011 was spent rediscovering myself. With the help of my mother, my friends, and a therapist, I was able to take a hard look at myself. About what the root of all my unhappiness, that i've really been feeling for many many years, was. I started to shift my perspective and realize how much of a gift this new opportunity is for me. I feel like I can go anywhere and do anything. I feel free. It's difficult to describe all the revelations my soul searching has lead me to - and this search is still ongoing. All I will say for now is that i'm at peace, and the happiest i've been in years. I'm truly excited and optimistic at what the future holds.
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