Time Warp

After I wrote the last post, the Phillies and Yankees both swept the Mets and Red Sox respectively - so I was on a high. On my drive to my swim class after work, I got a call from Lee, the trainer I worked with in NY. We chatted about bikes and training, etc. and i'm excited to go up to upstate NY this fall to ride with him. So I arrived at my swim class happy and ready to tackle the 400 meter field test. I was eager to see what kind of improvement I had made over the course of the summer.

My coach had emailed me earlier in the week, telling me I should do extremely well on this test - that I had made great strides in my swim. I felt like I had it in me as well, and considering my last tri swim was less than stellar, I wanted to make up for it and prove to myself that I could do it.

There were two people in each lane - the guy I was sharing the lane with had been slower than I was the entire class - actually, almost everyone had been. So we start and out of the corner of my eye, I see another guy just on the other side of my rope, and we and neck and neck. All of the sudden, I felt like I had to race him - it wasn't me against the clock, it was me against him. Instead of giving me fuel to go stronger, this thought of racing someone else started giving me anxiety - then my stroke started to deteriorate and my breath was uneven and my thoughts became negative. I basically broke down - I wanted to cry. This was ALL in my head. So I slowed down and just started swimming at a comfortable pace - I let go of trying to get a good time - now I just needed to finish it.

I ended up finishing it only 3 seconds faster than the time I did 9 weeks prior - I was quite upset. On the one hand, knowing that initial time was a bit of a push and this wasn't at all, I knew quite a bit of progress had been made - I just couldn't quantify it. But this poison in my brain needs to stop - I need to stop psyching myself out - just haven't figured out how to do this.

I was pretty upset that night as I went to bed - however, the next day, my coach wrote to me some really sound advice that resonated within me. He did acknowledge that I had some anxiety during the time trial and that my current level and ability wasn't reflected in that test. He wrote a bunch of other things but the one thing that stood out to me was that in my swim (and all three sports for that matter), it wasn't about trying to go fast - it's about getting the movement down and internalizing the focus on making that movement the best it could be. That makes total sense to me - it's like dancing - you look within to let it come out. I have that kind of control and feel for my body and how to execute the movement. It's not about all the external distractors, the course, the other competitors, the weather, etc - it's about me doing the best from within. This is what i'm going to focus on and hopefully start to rid myself of these mental demons.


On another note, this labor day weekend, I found myself bringing out my old Felicity DVDs - it's been at least a year and a half since I last watched them. They're so addictive! I've gotten through all of seasons 1 & 2 again. The first time around I liked Noel - this time I think I like Ben better. Go figure.