Brrrrr....i'm flying!

I cried myself to sleep Friday night. It's so difficult to come to that realization that it does more harm than good to keep someone in your life. I had a stressful week. Lots of deadlines - heading into work early and leaving late. I still wasn't finished and had to head into the office after the run on Saturday to beat another deadline. I was tired, felt worn, emotionally and physically. I was really looking forward to my 10 mile run Saturday morning.

It was still dark and 45 degrees outside when I woke up. This time we were meeting at Forbidden Drive for our 10 miler. It was a cutback week for us - next week we'll be attacking an 18 miler and longer drills during the week. 45 degrees is cold enough for me to grab a long-sleeve running shirt. I grabbed a pair of running pants, but decided against it. Not ready to retire the running shorts for the season.

Forbidden drive has always been my nemesis. To the naked eye, there are only about 2, maybe 3 noticable hills. But to your legs and your lungs, it is apparent there are very little flat stretches in this trail. The first 5 miles out appears to be mostly downhill. The pack of us running was very small today. Probably no more than 25 people. Part of our group decided to stay at Valley Forge this week for their run.

So I started out in the front, just behind our head organizer and an assitant coach. It was a comfortable pace - just fast enough to get our heart pumping to warm up. I didn't really feel comfortable with the temperature until 2 miles in. 2.5 miles in is Valley Green Inn and for some reason, the two coaches ahead of me pulled to the side - perhaps to use the restroom or adjust something. So all of the sudden, I found myself in an unfamiliar position - the lead runner. There were a few people who I know run a faster pace than me, but I figured they were taking it easy in the cutback week.

So now, I was setting the pace with another female runner just to the right of me. Coming to some downhill slopes, we took advantage of them and started to pick up the pace. I didn't look behind me and was running with my ipod so I had no idea who was behind me or how far behind they were. At the turn around point, I was feeling good and was happy that I was running a faster pace, more like I was running during last winter/spring season. A handful of runners weren't that far behind the other woman and myself. As we turned around I said to her "Now it's uphill from here". She nodded in agreement and we were set to plow on through. About a half mile into our way back came the first steeper incline. 'Keep your feet under you, lean slightly forward, and just put one foot in front of the other' I kept thinking to myself. All of the sudden, I was at the top, and despite the fact that I was breathing more heavily, I felt ok. I felt like I could keep going and maintain my pace. The woman who was running next to me didn't fair so well. At the top of the hill she pulled behind me and to the side of the road. I was on my own now.

I felt like I was on autopilot - just flying - my legs kept going and going with a higher rate of turnover than i've had in a long run in months. The cool air felt good in my lungs and I could see my breath. 'Don't let up - keep going strong' I was telling myself in my mind. So what if it was a rough week - so what if I was tired and stressed and emotionally distraught. I was going to keep going. I wasn't going to quit. I was going to leave everything back on the trail. The last 3 miles, I did feel more tired, and my pace did suffer slightly. But mentally, I was winning.

I got to the end of the trail. I was the first one back. It was such an odd sensation. This isn't a race with my fellow runners. This was a competition within myself. And I had won today. It is the first time that I didn't stop once to take a walk break on this trail. Not only did I not walk, I had never run so fast on this trail before either. I needed this - I needed this badly to boost my confidence and to reign in the negative forces in my mind and body. I know the next few weeks of my training are going to be brutal. But I feel ready to tackle them. And you know what? The rest of my life I feel ready to tackle as well.