The Physical Self

I'm beginning to observe that if I deliberately plan to do something, I may not succeed at accomplishing it fully, but if I "fall" into it, than I surpass any expectations I might have. For example, I had to renew my membership at Bally's a few years ago, and that's when they "hooked" me by giving me a free training session since I hadn't taken advantage of it when I had joined several years before. I got set up with a trainer that I clicked with, and I suddenly had 6 months worse of sessions booked. All I needed was a new card, and I walked away with essentially a new direction in life.

That trainer, Lee, happened to be a cyclist and a runner. I began running for fitness during this time - only short 20 minute runs a few times a week in addition to strength training - and after training with him for nearly a year, he urged me to sign up for my first race. Subsequently, this lead me to adopt a new identity, a new circle of friends, a new outlook on life.

Running introduced me to new friends and had me reunite with old ones. If it weren't for running, my friends Jenna and PJ wouldn't be married today. If it weren't for running, I wouldn't have experienced the ultimate high of finishing my first marathon and the ultimate low of dealing with injury and uncertainty. If it weren't for this running injury, I may not have turned to triathlon. After a few years of identifying myself as a runner and triathlete, I attracted a different type of suitor - what was once a list of failed, turbulent relationships with actors and musicians - with dependencies on the frenetic lifestyle of a New York Artist - i'm now happily cohabitating with a brainy, athletic statistician, who was attracted to the triathlete that I had become.

So a new card in January 2005 is responsible for where I am today. It's not something that i've planned - it's just happened. It's staggering to come to this realization for me, because, as much as I want to fight it, i'm a planner - I plan everything that I possibly can. While this is important in order to be successful in certain areas of my life, I have to let go and just follow wherever the moment takes me in other areas.

Since that first race in December 2005, i've been planning the progression of my athletic career. The races that I want to do and the training plans and the goals of the type of performance i'll deliver in these races. This has proven to not work for me - I get injured or bored or lose motivation or get distracted. But jumping into that first race, it was exciting, and carefree. I think I have to find that again, to get back to my physical self, to find enjoyment with it again instead of stress. how will I do this? I don't know - and I guess that's the point. If I knew, than i'd be planning it out again :)

The Past 9 Months

So much has happened in the past nine months, yet I don't want to lose the present reporting on the past. But some occassions were momentous, that i'd like to remember, and therefore, I will touch on the highlights of the past nine months. It will include:

Bermuda
The Big Move
The Lay-off
The returning student
The physical self

As I start to reminisce about these instances, other topics may be conjured up. But this is my guide for now...and will indulge in these memories in the near future....

Sunday Blues

The feeling of doom and gloom on Sunday nights is pretty miserable - but I can't escape it. I've begun to live for the weekend and suffer through the weeks. Life shouldn't be like that. It has to change. I'm making changes.

The first change will come in June. Yes, I moved into my new condo downtown only last August. But i'm moving again in June - to one of two places. The first choice is to be into Patrick's house - but this is contigent upon him selling his current house by then and moving to a new one in PA. If this hasn't happened by then, i'll be moving back to my mother's temporarily, until Pat is able to move. The reason? Money. I'm living paycheck to paycheck - i'm not able to pay down debt or save for the future or even a rainy day. And that frightens me, especially since I don't feel as secure in my job during this recession. I also need money to carry out my future plans - going back to school. Yes, I have decided that I do want to pursue becoming a PT. I can't tell you how excited the thought makes me.

So, as long as i'm able to find a sublet for my condo - i'll be moving forward with this plan come June. It's tough right now - but I have to believe that light is at the end of the tunnel.